"How to Make Money During the War against Demons"

Note · 55 gp · Weight 2

"My mentor and training partners used to feel sorry for me. I had enough power to summon and hold a lesser imp at best. Would you call that real magic? Ha! But there's nothing a smart lad like me can't use to stake out his reputation and make his fortune. There's one particularly nasty sort of demons called abrikandilus. They're made of the souls of vandals and destroyers of art. In demon form, they continue to do the same. When they see beautiful pictures and statues, they fly into a rage and desecrate them. I once overheard a conversation on the street between two art collectors. They couldn't decide whether they should patronize a young and promising artist or a famous maestro whose best days were behind him. So I made them an offer: how about we place the two paintings side by side, and I'll summon an abrikandilu. Whichever painting it attacks first would naturally be the more beautiful. The key was to banish the demon in time, before it destroyed the painting — but that wasn't going to be a problem for me! The collectors agreed to run this 'experiment' according to my plan. And thus my legacy began! Three months later, not a single art event could do without me and my demon servant. We were invited to exhibition openings, appraisers' workshops, and auctions. The more the enraged the demon became, on seeing another carving or slapdash daub, the higher its price soared. And they paid me well for my 'appraisal'. I often staged 'artist battles,' in which the demon would choose which of two paintings it despised most, and the tickets sold like hot cakes. However, there was one unfortunate incident. A gnome and an elf came to me from Absalom, two young bright-eyed artists. They wanted to enter one of these battles, but they offered peculiar sculptures instead of paintings. The gnome had a huge pile of nibbled apples preserved by a spell. The elf had a watering can without any holes, which stood on a cart with one square wheel. This, as they explained to me, was 'modern art'. It was, how did they put it... 'unconventive' or some such thing! They claimed it was popular in Absalom, where the gnome and the elf were very famous 'unconventive artists'. Well, my job is simple: to display, ahem, their works, gather an audience, and release my demon from its prison. And that's precisely what I did. But the abrikandilu came out of his cage, looked at the apples, and at the watering can with the cart, and then looked at me like I was a complete idiot, turned around, and went back to its cage with an expression of utter disappointment. It was nearly an international scandal. I was so upset that I even returned the money for the appraisal to the gnome and the elf. But it's all right. My business still thrives, even without the Absalom clientele. Meanwhile, where are my 'more talented' fellow apprentices? Half are still crouched over books learning what they can. The other half went off to those ridiculous crusades and perished. They never considered that demons can be used to make money, and a lot of it! I think I'll soon buy myself a little palace. And cover its walls with the works of all the most famous artists, ha!"