"Soldier Humor," Fifth Edition, Revised and Expanded

Note · 55 gp · Weight 2

"There once was a ram-headed lad named Baphomet. Everybody laughed at Baphomet, both demons and cultists alike. Baphomet cried a lot, then ran to his mama, Lamashtu. 'No one likes me, and they say I'm strange!' And to that, Lamashtu said, 'You're perfectly fine, my boy. Just please quit your bleating, or better yet, go chew some more grass.' {br}There once was a demon named Deskari, and his swarm was driving him crazy, all buzzy and bitey. No matter what he tried, he just couldn't get rid of them! So, he went to a demon healer for some poison. A week passed, then the healer asked him, 'How's the poison? The locusts all gone now?' And Deskari said, 'I drank the whole bottle and I completely forgot about those pests. Thing is, now I need something for this killer constipation!' {br}Deskari says to Baphomet, 'Looky here at these nags I bought for my stables! Pure demon stock. If you mount one, it'll get ya to the edge of the Abyss in a flash!' 'Big deal! Lamashtu is so much better. Once I mounted her, I got promoted to demon lord!' {br}Once, some cultists caught a Mendevian crusader and went about torturing him, 'Tell us when we should attack you!' 'Right now! Our fortresses are ruined, our cities are starving, the people are fleeing... we could really use some prisoners!' {br}A soldier asks his officer, 'How come balors have red skin?' The officer says, 'You see, there are these monkeys with asses that are bright red...' 'But balor skin is ALL red!' 'Exactly! That's because a balor is one big ASS!'"