Staunton Vhane, Hero of Mendev: A Comic Farce in Three Acts

Note · 20 gp · Weight 2

"Scene 1 A brothel. Staunton: [Yawning.] 'Tis morning. What a sweet dream I've had! Night watch is far more bearable a task, When one performs it here, in a bed of warmth, And not outside, in rain, and hail, and cold. Mistress: Oh, Staunton, dearest, you're awake already? Don't say you're leaving me again. Please, stay. Oh, how I wish for you to spend just one more hour here. Or maybe a whole day! You may be short of stature, my sweet hero, But 'tis the size of your valor that's beguiled me. Staunton: Alas, my love, I heed the trumpet's call! Such is a soldier's lot — one cannot stay in bed. Nay, one has to go on duty on occasion. It saddens me to leave you now, my dovelet, But that's the sacrifice I make in nation's name. {br}Scene 2 An army warehouse. Staunton: Oh woe is me! Why all of this misfortune? While I was boldly, watchfully asleep, Nestled in the bosom of my companion-in-arms, My every snore a ward 'gainst ne'er-do-wells, Connivingly they struck me in the back. They broke into the warehouse proper And took it all, and left no scrap behind! What do I do? This plight is bound to earn me A conviction, and a prison cell, and lashes... Wait! Could it be? Idea! I'll go on a crusade posthaste. I hear that lots of folks like me, As fearless and as pure of heart, Fight demons there and shed their blood aplenty, All for their homeland's hopes of peace. Mayhaps, then, none will wonder Where I served and what great feats I committed Along my noble path. So be it! Mendev! Meet your new crusader hero!"