"The Adventures of Brim the Crusader," by Nels Kramihr

Note · 40 gp · Weight 2

"When the entire retinue had barged into the tent, everyone commenced their hollering at the same time. The commanding officer, who wasn't prepared for this sudden barrage, gasped for air in righteous indignation for the first few minutes, then, once his lungs were finally full again, barked with such force that all fell silent. In the ensuing quiet, Brim took the initiative and reported hastily, 'Sir, Private Brim reports — we've caught an abrikandilu!' The stern quartermaster, having caught the scoundrel responsible for the chaos red-handed, was about to express his outrage, but it was too late; as soon as he heard about the captured demon, the officer demanded to see the quarry immediately. The retinue, joined by the officer, his guards, secretary, courier, and a groom who happened to be passing by, advanced to the outskirts, where the recent events had taken place. Upon seeing the huge demon thrashing about in his magical cage, the officer couldn't help but exclaim in delight. Except, the spiteful quartermaster then pushed his way through the crowd after all and nasally whined in the officer's ear, 'Sir, just look at what cost these buffoons caught one lousy demon!' The officer took his eyes off the abrikandilu, looked around — and threw his hands up. 'What's all this, Private Brim?' 'Sir, what do you mean?' 'What's this massive pit?' 'That was our first trap! The abrikandilu was to supposed to drop down once he'd seen the bait! Took a lot of effort, this pit. We broke two shovels, all for naught...' 'And why are the shrubs smoking?' 'Ah, once the abrikandilu'd figured us out, he chased us around, throwing his magic all over the place!' 'And why is the tree broken?' 'Because that jerk tried to pull me down from it after I'd climbed up with a lute!' 'Hold on, why would you climb it with a lute?' 'Well, first of all, I was bait — I played some marches to provoke the abrikandilu's hatred for all things of beauty. And second, I was running from a demon, and I couldn't leave the lute — I'd borrowed it from the bard in our regiment, and he packs a good punch, that one!' The officer frowned, ignoring the quartermaster's snivels. 'Right,' he exhaled at last. 'Dispose of the demon. Private Brim is to be rewarded. All the equipment lost by him and his mates is to be deducted from his pay. And will someone put out those blasted shrubs already!'"